In These Stones Horizons Sing

Mon, 27 Jun 2022 18:48:19 GMT

About four or so years ago, a friend introduced me to an internet radio station called Radio Paradise. It's fantastic, full of music I love and music I've never heard before and would never have found on my own. It's great. I highly recommend. But that's not the point. The point is to do with the layout of their site. Their site is split into four columns. The first is the playlist, so you can see what has been played. The second is all the information about the current song playing - album, artist, listener rating, lyrics etc - and the last one is a link to the artists Wikipedia page. The third column, however, is all the user comments relating to the song.

The point is this column.

Because I like reading the comments. Sometimes you learn something great from them. So I scroll through and look at the music trivia, putting up with the occasional weird gif and douchey comment and the hundreds of dancing banana icons that seem so prevalent on RP. And through doing this, I came across the comments of a user whose name - sadly - I cannot recall right now. But these comments were always so upbeat, so happy and joyful. They were full of dancing bananas and exclamations points and a clear love of music that shone through the screen. They were lovely to read.

And then, a few songs later, I saw a reply to one of these comments that implied tangentially that this user had passed away. So I googled their username and found that this woman had been in their late forties or so, and had died unexpectedly about 10 years prior to me reading these comments. There was an old LJ post from one of her old fandoms where someone broke the news. And I thought: how amazing, how wonderful, that this woman made such an impact on all these strangers that people, years later, would comment saying that she was missed, and that her comments still made people happy because of her clear enthusiasm and love for music just shone through the screen. Isn't that brilliant? It's that fantastic?

This morning I learned that crazy4orcas had passed away from cancer earlier this month.

I am not going to pretend that I was close to her. I didn't know her real name or where she lived (honestly, I though she was One Of The Germans - but no). But she commented on so many of my stories, always with joy and capslock enthusiasm and many exclamation points. I'm sure if there were dancing banana icons available, she would have used those too. It was always so lovely to get a comment from her in my emails. They always made me smile.

And then, later today, I replied to another comment left on one of my fics by someone else. And, after replying I scrolled up the other comments and sure enough, there was Orcas, with her capslock enthusiasm and her exclamation points and her unabashed joy shining through the screen.

I will never get another comment from Orcas, and this makes me so sad. But how wonderful is it that this woman made such an impact on me that she CAN be missed? That her comments can still make me happy because of her clear enthusiasm and love for fandom just shines through the screen? That I could know her at all, despite being different ages and in different countries and on different continents? If it wasn't for the internet, I wouldn't have know she existed at all.

Every comment from Orcas on my fics - every one of her comments on any post on LJ or DW or AO3 - can now stand as a memorial to her. To her enthusiasm and joy and love of fandom (and orcas). And in years to come we will see them and miss her and be so thankful that we crossed paths with her at all. And isn't that wonderful?

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Tue, 27 Apr 2021 15:29:55 GMT

I just dropped £73 on wool. o_O

Gonna make this out of some lovely green wool. Wish me luck!

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Fri, 19 Mar 2021 17:59:35 GMT

As promised, here is the baby blanket I crocheted for a friend. I am REALLY pleased with it, I have to say.

Also, who knew that DW had an image hosting service? Not me, that's for sure. But it does! So maybe that means I can finally delete my LJ. After... moving all my images across and fixing all the resulting broken links... Hmm.

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Sat, 13 Mar 2021 11:04:06 GMT

Okay.

Okay okay okay.

I watched the rest of WandaVision and yes, there are some issues but gahhhhhhh I loved it?? Wanda/Vision was never a relationship I cared about all that much but this made me care so much and I'm just having feelings everywhere now and I think I want to write a Safety fic where the trio go to Wanda and Viz' wedding just so I can give them the happy ending they deserve.

(And I still want to write a story where Natasha comes out to her aunt...)

Also Bucky canonically reading the Hobbit in 1937 when it first came out is giving me LIFE.

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Sun, 07 Mar 2021 19:50:43 GMT

I was thinking I might list all the things I've created since last March - fics written and/or beta'd, clothes made, etc - just so I can actually see that the past year has, in fact, lead to something creative.

I also want to make a rec list for Clint/Nat/Bucky just because... I want one. Or a masterlist of my own fics? Something.

Also I am crocheting a baby blanket for my friend who's due in *checks watch* two weeks or so and I am in love with it and don't want to give it to her. xD

Anyway, how is everyone?

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Wed, 10 Feb 2021 15:37:15 GMT

Recently I had the revelation that, if I could rewrite any MCU film it would actually be Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2. Not because I think it's a bad film (it's not) but because by changing the plot of that film, you can make cosmetic changes to about three or four other MCU films and, through that, make an other overarching villain arc that would... be to the benefit of the franchise in general? Imo. (The other films would be The Dark World, Ragnarok, Guardians 1 and IW. Other cosmetic but not villain-arc centric changes I'd make would be to Iron Man 2, AoU and Endgame, but, surprisingly, nothing that would actually change much of the outcome of any of those films.)

Essentially, I read somewhere that in the comics, Thanos' motivation for getting rid of half the universe was that he wanted to impress the Goddess of Death. Well, we have the Goddess of Death now so I think that would have been interesting? Especially if, after everything, Hela was just very much not impressed and everything Thanos did essentially boiled down to unwanted dick swinging. So Guardians 2 is about Gamora and Nebula and their relationship with Thanos, in a mirror to Loki and Thor and their familial relationship. And then Thanos is also explicitly behind the events of The Dark World and Guardians 1 (without it changing much of the actual in-film plot) and tangentially related to the plot of Ragnarok, which would then also have knock on changes in IW. It would mean that there was more than one villain having a multi film arc (the other, obvs, being Loki), more of the films are linked together, and that Thanos has... actual motivations for what he does? Like, a dude destroying the universe because he wants to impress a girl seems to me infinitely more plausible than being all "but the environment" which... is also a BAD MOTIVATION for THE VILLAIN to have because what the fuck are you saying about the environmental movement then, huh Disney? (I know there was more to it than that. But also... there wasn't)

OH and I'd shove in a post WS Black Widow and Hawkeye film (probably Nat fighting to get Clint out of some now-blown deep cover mission in the wake of the Hydra file dump) which, along with changes to AoU, would cement their relationship to each other (romantic or otherwise) and set up the decision on Voromir better. Whether Nat still died on Voromir doesn't matter so much to me. I think it's pretty fitting for her character personally but that's just me.

Anyway. That was a fun thought experiment.

Also I've finally watched WandaVision and... I love Wanda, okay? I love her. And that show is so sad because it's all about grief processing and I just want to hug her. So so much.

However, after watching this video, I now see Special Agent James E Woo of the FBI (who I LOVE) in a whole new light. As well as the entirety of Black Panther. And also I find it so weird that the Defense Department had problems with Avengers but not Winter Soldier? Like, I get that SHIELD is a fictional agency, but the entire vibe of Winter Soldier essentially boiled down to Don't Trust Your Government and I cannot believe they couldn't see that.

Also... I miss Chris Evans as Captain America. I just... do. I love Anthony Mackie and think Falcon!Cap is awesome but I just... love Chris Evans as Cap.

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Mon, 25 Jan 2021 22:52:32 GMT

Okay so I just watched All The President's Men and I knew that shit was crazy but... that shit was crazy.

Also, Tenacious Journalist Relentlessly Follows Leads remains the best niche genre of cinema ever.

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Mon, 11 Jan 2021 15:26:03 GMT

Okay so I bought some bralettes from American Eagle/Aerie and I never thought I'd be one of those people who gets excited about lingerie but holy shit guys, these bralettes are so pretty and so comfortable and fit so well and are cute as hell and I am very pleased. :D

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End of Year Fic Meme

Tue, 05 Jan 2021 18:57:06 GMT

Here, have an end of year fic meme, because I feel like it.

Total number of completed stories: 20

Total word count: 99,827

Fandoms written in: Marvel / The Avengers – All Media Types / however one categorises Marvel shit these days

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Wayyyyyy more. For… obvious reasons, I think.

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Ooooh. I think I’m gonna pick two for this; Improper Fractions (Marvel, Clint/Nat/Bucky, E) and quickly dream away the time; and then the moon (Marvel, Clint/Bucky, T). Improper Fractions because it is ridiculous filth and was an absolutely delight to write, and quickly dream because it came so, so easy to me, and ended up being exactly what I wanted it to be.

Did you take any writing risks this year? I wrote PWP? But I think I’ve done that before? I dunno. I don’t think so. Oh! I wrote Winterhawk for the first time: Push and Pull (Marvel, Clint/Bucky, succubus AU, R), never done that before.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? No. I don’t think I’ve ever made writing goals. I don’t really find them fun. Though I guess my desire to clear out some of my WIPs counts?

Most popular story of the year? Improper Fractions, followed by its follow up, Prime (by hits) or quickly dream (by bookmarks).

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: To be honest, I thought These Small Revolutions (Marvel, Clint/Nat/Bucky Prohibition AU, E) would be more popular than it ended up being.

Most fun story to write: Absolutely Improper Fractions. I giggled my way through writing that. Probably followed by either quickly dream or One Day Like This (Marvel, Clint/Nat/Bucky threesomeverse, T)

Most unintentionally telling story: Unintentionally? I dunno if any were unintentionally telling…

Biggest disappointment: The number of times I had to write my Winterhawk Remix 2020 before I actually got something I liked? The fact that I have not yet started my second Hawktion despite the fact that the deadline is two weeks away? (I am never agreeing to a second Hawktion ever again).

Biggest surprise: How well both my be_compromised Remix Exchange fics were received – entire history of human desire (Marvel, Clint/Nat/Laura, E) and if you came this way (Marvel, Clint/Nat, T). And just how much gsparkle liked Though I Sang in My Chains like the Sea (Marvel, Clint/Nat, gods AU, T), which made me feel like the two years writing it was just about justified.

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Thu, 31 Dec 2020 11:47:50 GMT

Holy crap, where did the time go?

I hope, if you are the type to celebrate Christmas, that you had a nice Christmas. I got some very nice ramen bowls from my sister and I bought myself some very beautiful books about maps, all of which made me very happy. But mostly I've been at work which... has been fine. I hate working the week between Christmas and New Year, and I especially hate working Boxing Day, but ehhhh. It's done now.

So now I have some beta work to do (for inkvoices and for alistra - as well as 40k of winterhawk from Mariana O'Connor, one of my fave winterhawk writers EVER so I'm super jazzed about that) and I have to write my holly_poly and final Hawktion. And I'll probably sign up for chocolateboxcomm because... I hate myself? But also I want to write Kate/America.

ALSO I've got super into the Witcher fics of SummerFroste on AO3. Omgggg I forgot that I really enjoyed that show. Maybe I'll buy myself the books. To go with... all those other books I'm not really reading right now. Hmm...

Anyway, Happy New Year guys. Let's hope 2021 is better than 2020. Look after yourselves. <3

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Wed, 16 Dec 2020 17:14:49 GMT

I have beta'd three fics in the past two days, one for inkvoices, one for geckoholic, and one for alistra. I have (finally) submitted my Secret Santa and started my Holly Poly (this one is Beyonce inspired, apparently), of which I have, shockingly, 2k of already, and now I'm making a lamb stew based on a recipe cobbled together from my recollections of alphaflyer making the same once. BUT mostly I'm here to say:

Nakia should be the next Black Panther, not Shuri, and this is the hill I will die on.

Also, against my wishes, I am getting a teeny tiny bit excited for the Hawkeye TV show.

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Mon, 14 Dec 2020 21:51:01 GMT

So I learned that on the 22nd of December work is going to have a Steve Lee Day where every member of staff... Dresses up as our manager. xD Unfortunately though, I am not at work on the 22nd so I can't take part. :( I plan to do it from home because the idea is too funny to pass up.

Anyhoo... I have finished my Secret Santa (finally). I just need to go over inkvoices beta notes and then it's done. So that's tomorrow's plan, along with betaing inkvoices fic (which is great, fyi). And then I'm going to... Write some of my Holly Poly fic. Hopefully. And maybe poke alistra is she's around to be poked. And also probably sleep. Oh and Zoom call some friends in the evening.

It gets dark so soon now. Not a fan. I miss summer.

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Wed, 02 Dec 2020 21:08:45 GMT

But I don't WANT Hailee Steinfeld as Kate Bishop. #AsianKateBishopOrBust

Grump grump grump.

ETA: Not that it really matters as I don't have, and am not planning to get, Disney+ so I won't be watching it anyway but it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing. Asian Kate Bishop! Make her Korean! I want Korean Kate Bishop!

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Guys, I'm having a moment

Sun, 29 Nov 2020 23:48:59 GMT

Okay so guys, I just watched this video and I'm literally sat here vibrating with the need to talk with SOMEONE about how much I agree with everything this guy says. Like, VIBRATING. Because... oh man, I agree so hard.

I think this is the MAJOR thing the MCU did right, and reminds me all over again how sometimes we have to sit back and realise that the MCU did something honestly incredible, regardless of whether we, individually, enjoyed the culmination or path it took. And the whole thing about them being characters designed for children? Holy shit do we need to remember that. Like, holy shit. I just... *gestures vaguely* this video is so good.

And now I think I have to go and find myself a copy of Miracle Man.

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Stop Me Please

Mon, 23 Nov 2020 22:16:46 GMT

Okay.

Okay okay okay. I'm watching a series of video essays about how terrible Fifty Shades of Grey is, and how the films of Fifty Shades of Grey are equally terrible but in a slightly different way (apart from the first one, which is apparently at least better than it's source material, if not outright good) and I'm here thinking... I kinda want to read Fifty Shades of Grey just to see if I could actually wrangle a workable story out of it's component parts. Which - yes, terrible. Why would I do that. I don't want to work through those fucking books just for this. BUT. Apparently the books are almost indistinguishable from the fic it was based on - E L James allowed almost no editing to be done to her work at all - but according to the guy who make the video essays, there is, within Fifty Shades the... suggestion of a hint of an interesting erotica thriller or erotica horror within its pages. And I find that super interesting?? I think it's partially because I enjoy doing beta work but I sort of what to see if there's something to be made out of those building blocks. There probably isn't - or, more likely, there is, but it's beyond my ability to tease out - but can you imagine a good Fifty Shades? What would that look like? I never realised these books were so incomprehensible until watching these videos. Like, some truly batshit stuff happens in it, and of course Christian Grey is into BDSM because he was badtouched as a child. Of course. But surely there are workarounds to all that? Christian Grey could be the villain and the story is Ana realising he's controlling and abusive. Or he could just, you know, get actually decent therapy, though that's not a compelling narrative...

Oh my god I'm going to be thinking about this so much. Whyyyyyy...

PS the videos are A Lukewarm Defense of Fifty Shades of Grey, Lukewarm Defense 2: Things Go Downhill Very Quickly and Lukewarm Defense 3: Freed by Folding Ideas. If anyone wants to follow me into this madness.

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Tue, 10 Nov 2020 21:26:41 GMT

Okay, I might have worked out what to do about my secret Santa fic, which is... change a whole bunch of stuff. And I still can't talk about it on here but I think I might have solved a problem I'd discovered I had (namely: my set up required four characters minimum for Reasons and that's about two characters more than I fancy writing right now). I also might add ~magical bullshit~ because I can and also for a convenient work around the aforementioned problem of too many people. And I might add some goats? And also lots of comfy knitted jumpers.

This change of focus is brought to you by Sigur Ros' Route One. Man, I love Sigur Ros.

OMG I could shove the northern lights in too. Aaaaah that would be so awesome and also Romantic. *heart eyes*

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Sat, 07 Nov 2020 15:06:34 GMT

Okay so today I've dyed a pair of jeans and beta'd a fic by alistra and now I want to do something else but... not writing. Which is what I NEED to do because I have my be_compromised Secret Santa, holly_poly and Charity Hawktion to write.

IN FACT, for motivation:

Secret Santa - 6th December 2020
> Obvs I can't talk about the specifics because my recip might see but I know the rough outline of how this is supposed to go, and I know roughly what type of Clint this Clint will be, and I know roughly the shape my side characters will take and I have a good idea of what level of accuracy I'm going to go for in terms of setting. I just... have no motivation to write it.
> But I have a title! And an appropriate quote! And photo references! And I'd have a great time tagging this on AO3 and setting up... basically everything. I just don't have the story...

Holly Poly - 11th January 2021
> It's Clint/Nat/Bucky. Are we surprised? No. Did I kinda want Steve/Bucky/Peggy? Yes. Did I want Clint/Nat/Sam even more? Also yes. But to be fair, I am not even remotely surprised I didn't get Clint/Nat/Sam. No one ever wants Clint/Nat/Sam and that's a crying shame.
> My recip doesn't want R/E rated fics which narrows my options when it comes to last minute bashing out of fics (E rated last minute fics are SO EASY because you don't need any character at all, you just need sex)
> So I'm thinking this is the perfect time to do some canon-adjacent established Clint/Nat/Bucky. Something soft and nice. But I'd like some kind of idea for conflict/tension/whatever that doesn't revolve around getting together, so I have to think a little more about that.

Charity Hawktion - 20th January 2021
> this was supposed to be some Cold War Man from UNCLE inspired Clint/Nat/Bucky shenanigans but oh my god, I know nothing about the Cold War and also spy shit is hard to write. I have an idea but it requires far more thought/time that I have or am generally willing to put in for a runner-up Hawktion bid so...
> I'm changing it up to a Clint/Bucky FWB story where Bucky gets Feelings because Clint is nice to his cat. It's going to be silly, it's going to be sexy, and it's going to be service top Bucky because hello yes please.
> this is also my reason to not sign up to Winterhawk Wonderland. If I'm writing Clint/Bucky here I don't need a separate signup to write Clint/Bucky.

Now the only thing I'm waiting on will be chocolateboxcomm in the new year, so I can sign up to write Kate/America again, because I love those two.

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Dear Holly Poly Author

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 17:40:53 GMT

Hello my dear writer! Thank you so much for taking time out to write me something! Hopefully this letter will help if you need a little more info.

( Read more... )

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Fri, 09 Oct 2020 16:15:57 GMT

Okay so I've finished one fic (off to beta) yesterday and wrote another one today and I want to sign up for holly_poly and WinterHawk Wonderland and probably shouldn't do either because I need to write my second Hawktion and also have signed up for be_compromised Secret Santa but IT'S HOLLY POLY and also I love Clint/Bucky and... argh. Doing the WIP title meme thing on tumblr reminded me of all those fics I've not finished and *garbled yelling*

I just... like deadlines for things. It makes me finish stuff.

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Wed, 07 Oct 2020 18:48:05 GMT

I have this insane urge to dump a whole load of unfinished fics onto AO3 just to get rid of them. Like, that rugby AU that's completely stalled now. Or those two discarded fics for the Hometown Challenge back in 2014 or whenever that was. Maybe I'll make a series, and it's just unfinished fics? To add to that HP AU I posted that never went anywhere.

But also I want to write some drabbles for the WWHFest. Because I love me some OT3. And also I was trawling Texts From Last Night while chatting to alistra and found some absolute gems.

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Mon, 21 Sep 2020 19:16:08 GMT

So I've decided that It Is Time, and I'm rereading the Lord of the Rings. And, like, I love this book, okay? I really, really love it. But I'd forgotten sort of... How comforting it is? Rereading it is sort of like sinking into a warm bath. it's just so nice. And I'd forgotten how many - I don't want to say creative liberties, because that sounds bad, more like - artistic choices, the films made in terms of character. And I know why, and I support why. The Lord of the Rings is, page to screen, unfilmable. It would be a mess because, let's be honest here, the book is a bit of a mess. But man, I'd forgotten that Merry was far cleverer and more responsible than he is in the film, and Frodo is more... I dunno, cheerful? In the beginning.

But guys, it's just so nice. I'm so happy. :D

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Fri, 11 Sep 2020 19:01:28 GMT

So today I've written nearly 6k of a Clint/Bucky AU idea that came to me while visiting a friend in Bournemouth. I just have a lot of feeeeeelings okay? And also, I wish I had a pool. Admittedly, not right now, seeing as the weather has got colder now. But, like, in summer generally, a pool would be great.

Also I'm now on Discord. Sort of. CloudAtlas#1940

Allllllso. I've done a minor overhaul of the be_compromised tags. Not enough to warrant a post about it or anything, but I'm so happy about it, because those tags were (a) largely pointless and (b) bugging the hell out of me. I also changed the link colours, because that was bugging me too.

Do people sometimes... just miss LiveJournal? I feel like, at it's best, LiveJournal blew everything else out of the water. Alas.

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Mon, 07 Sep 2020 16:02:55 GMT

Guys guys I have to show off this amazing jumper my mum knitted for me. It's so beautiful!!

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Wed, 02 Sep 2020 12:01:07 GMT

Flyby journalling to say that me threesomefic verse, A Safety In The End, is two bookmarks off 200 and this makes me very, very happy.

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Tue, 28 Apr 2020 21:18:30 GMT

I reread bits of Not Easily Conquered. Why did I do this? Do I hate myself? I don't understand. All I know is that I'm sat in bed crying now.

Jesus fucking Christ that fic kills me every time.

I did at least do this after finishing threesomefic #8. So... productivity? I guess? I need to actually start making that skirt, I'm going crazy without actual things to occupy my time, and I can't spend all my time on my laptop because that'll also make me crazy. However, I did beta read mariana_oconnor's Clint/Bucky fic Afterimage at the end of last week. I genuinely love beta-reading and that fic was 26k so the entire thing was so satisfying. Plus, I love mariana_oconnor's fics, so I was jazzed to be doing it at all. I think if I take part in Hawktion again this year, I'll offer one fic and maybe two betaing slots.

Also: renewed my obsession with Chris Evans' face. What a good face.

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